Trophy Kids: Are We Breeding Sore Losers?
While I have tried to keep most of my commentaries and blogs as unbiased and relevant to parenting issues as possible, this is a subject that I know will be viewed as, well, debatable.
My kids are competitive swimmers, as well as into soccer, running, basketball, tennis, etc., but recently at a swim meet I witnessed something that was disturbing. In the freestyle event, a girl rightfully deserving got first place, while another girl, “Laura”, came in 10th. The winner accepted her ribbon with a smile and confusion because although Laura, the winner’s team mate no less, was only 2 seconds off the winner’s time, she proceeded to have a tantrum, breakdown, whatever you want to call it saying, “I want a ribbon too!”
Laura is 9 years old and the epitome of a “trophy kid”, the generation of kids coddled and fussed over by borderline narcissistic parents driven to earn the “my child is an honor student” bumper sticker. We’re giving out “participation trophies”, medals, ribbons and the like for every accomplishment (sometimes just for showing up). When you look at what is really being taught by this constant indulging is that Laura has learned to be a sore loser.
Since when does a 1st place blue ribbon not represent anything different when we give out ribbons for 1st through 21st (out of 21 participants)? What service are we doing to our children by our consistent recognition of mediocrity? Is that the generation that will lead us in the future? Are we really being supportive parents?
David A. Feigley, Ph.D.,Youth Sports Research Council, Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey states that “Supportive parents emphasize improved performance rather than competitive ranking.”
Simply put, we are diminishing the accomplishments of one, only to placate the potential hurt feelings of another. How fair is that to the kids that earn that 1st place ribbon? (and, no, the winner was not my kid, she came in 5th with a lovely black ribbon)
I believe our precious time as parents is better spent teaching our children to support and encourage fellow team members, classmates and the like and learn to say, “You did a great job” and “Congratulations”. Since when are parents, teachers and coaches the only ones allowed to use those phrases? Instead we are raising a generation of kids that feel they are “entitled” to all the accolades and pseudo-standing ovations. We are breeding sore losers instead of promoting one another’s strengths.
And, gasp, this generation, termed “the Millennials”, is filtering into the workforce now. That is a whole other conversation.
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1 comment:
I love your post. It touched on one of my pet peeves.
First, "Laura" sounds like a brat.
Second, I disagree the prof you quote. Yes, we shouldn't crush our children's self-esteem by telling them they are loser. Got it.
But I think it's important for kids to learn to lose, to learn that some kids are better than them at things, that life isn't fair.
It's a rude awakening to grow up and suddenly find out the wow, the whole world doesn't revolve around me.
We do our kids a disservice, I think, when we teach them that "no one wins." (My son's Little League does that, and the thing is, all the kids keep score anyway because they know.) Learning to lose gracefully is a skill every kids needs to learn.
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